Dear Buna, Tx Class of 96...

Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'Round the Ole' Oak Tree...

So, here we are class of 96! Twenty years in the future! "Where are you now?" they'll ask!...and Although that's not so easy an answer sometimes..we'll all gather 'round and remember the good ole' days and it wont matter where we are now or how far apart we are..or how many different directions we went...It'll only matter that we're all together again! :) 

I've debated for a long time whether or not to share what I'm about to share with all of you. However, I think it will not only be good for me, but also be good for others who may in some way relate to feeling a little out of place at an upcoming reunion or visit home. So, in the spirit of encouraging others who may need it, I'm making a confession today: I've avoided coming home for a long time. NOT because I don't miss the heck out of all of you or my family..but mainly because of my own personal fears. I do often miss my hometown..but I haven't really stopped long enough to let that sink in. However, over the past few months it has..and I'm homesick for the first time in a looong time! 

............................So, why am I having such a hard time coming home then?

I guess the real truth is..I haven't really felt like myself since this disease has taken its toll on my body..and I guess I haven't really wanted people to see me like I am now. Most of you know my medical situation..but you haven't seen it first hand. You've seen cropped Facebook photos..and smiles showing no teeth..You haven't seen the missing and blackened teeth when I talk and smile in person..or the extra bloating on my body from constantly being sick. So, truthfully..I'm embarrassed. When one goes home for the first time in a LONG time..you tend to want the people you grew up with to see you at your best! I kept hoping all my issues would be resolved before returning home so that I could be my best..but because of insurance and other medical complications, that hasn't happened yet. ...and Since I can barely keep up my social life here at home because of my wavering self esteem...the thought of going home scares me even more! ..To see the ones you love and grew up with for the first time in years..the ones whose families you enjoy seeing and keeping up with on Facebook..the ones you want to think well of you the most...For those cherished ones, you want them to see you at your best...and that's just really hard for me at the moment...because I don't feel my best.

However, aside from being sick and my many medical adventures, I am SO happy with my life...I have a wonderful husband..we have a beautiful home..wonderful jobs..food on the table...and I have NO problems coming to my reunion on those terms...I CANNOT WAIT for all of you to meet my Hubby!! I want to show him off at every chance! I also cannot wait for you to meet my Adopted Family! 

I've been so blessed with many things in my life..but most of them are not related to materialism..but that's okies because obtaining a materialistic lifestyle wasn't my goal anyway! So, coming home to compare material things doesn't make me uncomfortable at all. I know there are some of you who have been so very successful in business and money..and There are some of you who have huge beautiful families and wonderful down home values that are so very precious and rare in this world..and There are even some of you that have ALL those things..and ALL of that is SO WONDERFUL!! I see all of your stories and your families..and I am SO very proud to have grown up with ALL of you!! I don't have too much..but honestly It wouldn't matter to me if I lived in a cardboard box...I would show off pictures of my cardboard box with pride...because I am really proud and really happy with everything I've accomplished and all the wonderful Friends and Family I've met in this life I've been blessed with! Even if it's not the traditional definition of "successful"...I sincerely feel successful and so very blessed! So, unlike most people who fear their success will not measure up to those they grew up with, for me, coming home to compare success is not at all the problem..the problem is that I'm just SOO uncomfortable in my own skin...and that's new for me..I know what you're thinking..and yes..I grew up being different...and while that was challenging at many many points in my life...it's never been something that has stopped me. So, imagine how silly I feel that being 3ft 7 hasn't really stopped me from living and achieving a good life..yet a snaggle-toothed grin has stopped me completely in my tracks...preventing me from living life to the fullest! Unfortunately, I believe that society sees bad teeth as much more degrading than being a little person..but failing teeth is NOT simply just a sign of poor hygiene, healthcare, or hillbilly status, it is a byproduct of many illnesses.. So, it makes me angry at myself that I can get over being a little person, but I cannot get over a little extra weight (even tho I've NEVER in my life been "skinny" b/c of the way I'm made) and having missing and failing teeth. 

I'm a person who loves..loves...LOVES to smile...despite the pain and hardship life can throw at you...and I haven't been able to smile comfortably in a long time. I want SO much to smile when I see all of you! I want to believe that it wont matter how I look..I miss my hometown friends..but I want to be confident in myself..and be able to present myself as such..and I'm struggling a great deal with that...If you knew my life and my friends here...you would know that I have also backed away from my social life here as well...Yes, being in extra pain and being sick has a lot to do with it..but the other half is just me...me not feeling like me...and I'm praying and trying SO hard to overcome that...I just want people to see me...it doesn't have to be a perfect me...but I want them to see me..and I just feel that how I look right now gets in the way of that. I really think this must sound silly to all of you coming from someone who has fought her entire life to not be seen differently...one who constantly testifies to others NOT to let how you look get in the way of how you live...that you can overcome no matter what life throws at you! But hey, I'm NOT perfect..I have to fight those down in the dumps urges too! I guess I've learned to deal with being little..but not being able to smile has hurt me so much more so that it has made me withdraw more than I ever thought I would. BUT!!!! I am SOOO blessed to have wonderful, understanding Friends and Family that have pulled me back into my life lately..and have taken the time to remind me of who I am..and what I'm missing out on.

Since I'm not perfect, this is one of those times where I'm having to push myself forward when I'm terrified to move...but I know that this happens to everyone every now and again..and I DO know one thing..I'll get through it...I always do because I know God is with me..and I know that all of you are too! 

It may be a long time before I'm able to get the surgery I need to get all of this resolved...a long time before I'm able to smile again..So, I've agonized over this a great deal. I have prayed and I have poured my heart out to my friends and family hoping for some good advice and resolution..and it's because of their encouragement that I'm sharing this with all of you now...

It's also why I've rescheduled my Surgery for October 14th..and made official plans to come home this week to my High School Class of 96 Homecoming Reunion...I wish I could go to each and every one of you and tell you how much you mean to me..How Happy I am for all of you! How thankful I am to have grown up with all of you! We lived together, loved together, played together, fought together, made mistakes together..and although little kids can be cruel...When we all hit High School I felt like you treated me as you would have anyone else...and I appreciate that more than you know! It's also why I want to be my very best for all of you when I see you! I want you to know that ALL of you played a part and helped make me who I am..and I'm so thankful...because I could have been many things..but who I am is someone I'm proud of..and who I am allows me to help and encourage others..and SO much of that is because of you...Plus..anyone of you could have stepped on me at anytime...but you didn't..and if that's not love..I dunno what is! :P ..I will always be so very blessed I am apart of the Buna Class of 96! 

Moral of the story? Don't let what people MAY think of you stop you from doing the things you love. Your real Friends will see you for who you are...the question is..and the hard part is...will you allow yourself to see who you are...or continue to let something else or society's view define you...Don't waste your moments..I'm sick and down a great deal of the time..so when I do have moments where I'm able to enjoy life...I need and want to live those moments to the fullest! From this point on I promise to do better..I know that my Friends, Family, and MOST importantly, God have all got my back...I can do all things because of my Faith and the love you've all given me!!

...So, Buna Tx...Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'Round the Ole' Oak Tree...Wittle Wells is coming home!! Can't wait to see all of you!

Love Always,

Sommer

AKA:

Sommer W

Wittle Wells

It's okay to have a Bad day

We often try to present our best in public and on social media. Personally, I try to present myself sincerely and honestly. I try to focus more on the positives in my life in hopes to, not only inspire positivity in others, but also serve as my reflection of the many blessings that I'm thankful for and should be focusing on. I firmly believe that positivity breeds positive results and that focusing on the good in your life is a major preventative to falling victim to negatives that can ultimately bring you down... But sometimes ..sometimes you just have a bad day...and that's okies...I have to remind myself that it's okay to feel hurt sometimes..it's okay to grieve..and it's okay to take a day or two off as long as you get back up. Actually..it's those bad days that ultimately remind us of what we're fighting for. If I've never been down..how could I truly appreciate being up? It's because I know what it's like to be sad that I cherish my happiness all the more..I cherish pain free moments because I know what it's like to be in pain...Instead of trying to deny those feelings..Let the bad days instead be your inspiration to keep fighting! My faith and happiness keeps me going..and that includes all of you..and it's why I'll always get back up  ♥

Little People...Big Boobs? ..lol

To those of you with cute kiddos...or those of you that are around kiddos..you probably know that sometimes kids can say the darnedest things! Especially when they see someone who looks significantly different than them or the people they know. Now, I can't speak for all the LPs (Little People) in the world, but I wanted to let you know my point of view on the subject in case it helps any of you parents out there that experience these situations deal with it a little easier.

The example I'm using today is my most recent encounter with a cute kiddo (about 6 or 7yrs old) who I met while shopping for House Slippers. Of course I have to shop in the Kiddie Dpt for shoes and sometimes it can be hard to find shoes without Barbie, The Little Mermaid, or "insert any Disney Cartoon here" on them. So while looking for a more "adult" styled shoe, this cute kiddo and his father walked by. Just like every kiddo that sees me or someone like me (maybe for the first time..or maybe not) he stared at me, and I could tell his little mind was trying to figure out just what kind of person I am. His first instinct was to ask his father about the "little girl"...but the father promptly shushed him before he could inquire further. However, the little boy persisted. He had his hands on a shopping cart along with his father and when he tried to ask again, the Father began to squeeze his little hands in an effort to distract him from saying anything more. But the cute kiddo couldn't help himself so he finally shouted, "BUT DADDY..That little girl has REALLY BIG BOOBS!". The father's face turned very red and he immediately turned to me to apologize. I smiled and told him it was okay and that I understand Kids ask or say things when they are curious. He seemed relieved and thankful and proceeded to walk very quickly away with his kiddo.

I don't get that particular reaction often, but yes, I have heard about my big boobs before from Kiddos and I understand that if your curious kiddo is going to blurt out a loud inappropriate public comment, that ideally you would want him/her to blurt out something at least a little more appropriate...but sometimes it just doesn't happen that way! In my case, kids know I'm not like them and it's primarily b/c I'm small but I have more adult-like features (yes like "boobs") and all they are trying to do is determine why. I want you to know that I personally do not consider this "rude behavior" from small children, as often I am their first encounter with someone "different".  I do NOT mind at all when kids ask me questions. I believe asking questions is the only way the child will learn about their encounter, so if you encourage your child NOT to ask questions then they will never learn, and therefore when put in that situation again, they will continue to stare and wonder. By telling your kiddos not to talk ABOUT me, look at me, or talk TO me, it can unintentionally send the message to them that I am in some way "not normal" or I'm someone to be "disapproved of" and that people like me are not to be mentioned or associated with. However, I would LOVE for them to learn that I am a person just like them, and I understand that sometimes they are learning about it in that very same moment they are meeting me..When kids ask me why I'm small I usually give them a simple answer "God makes people or  "People come" in ALL different shapes and sizes..isn't that cool?!" They usually respond well to this and sometimes they even say things like, "Oh, I have blonde hair and my sister doesn't" and give other answers that point out their differences. They may also question me further and that's okie too :) Here are just some of the really cute ones I've heard:

1. Are you a Mommy?
2. Are you old enough to cook? ..drive? ..be married? ..have kids? ..stay up late? ..etc?
3. *pointing to my Husband who is 6ft1* So he's your Husband and NOT your father?
4. How come your boobs are big?
5. Are you a "baby mommy"? (not to be confused with "Baby's Momma")
6. Will your dad (My Husband) let you come play with me?
7. Are you a kid like me?
8. Are you tall enough to have a job?
9. Are you a "real" person? (...hmm..as opposed to what?)
10.  Are you SURE you're old enough to be babysitting me?! :P

One thing parents do that REALLY makes me feel terrible is when they physically swat, push, pull, or jerk their child away from the situation.. "me" being the situation. I feel I'm the reason for the child being disciplined, and it actually makes me feel a bit guilty! Even though I understand that it is the parent's choice to either educate that child in the moment, or remove them from it to "hopefully" educate them later, something inside me still feels it's in some way my fault that the child is being reprimanded. This is one reason why I am always open to kids with questions or parents who wish to educate their kiddo about people who are "different". I have confronted parents as they were in process of disciplining their child right in front of me and apologizing to me at the same time, and I've let them know that I am fine with questions. Most are grateful for this and take the opportunity. Some parents respond by saying their child is old enough to understand that pointing and staring is wrong and they wish to teach them both lessons...which I also understand. I believe that pointing and such other behaviors will diminish as the child learns more about why I am different! However, I do NOT believe taking them away from, ignoring, or making me a taboo topic will teach a child anything more than to avoid the topic all together.

Older kiddos, and adults that exhibit this same behavior towards people who are different are a much different story, and a topic for another day. For now, I hope that knowing my perspective on this will help you, as parents, to feel more comfortable around people like me who are "different" in some obvious way in a situation like this. As I said before, I do not speak for all the LPs of the world, but if you find yourself in this situation with an adult LP, you can probably bet that they understand that kids are kids...and will be more relieved to have you inquire than to see you forcefully remove your child without explanation. (especially if your child is very up front, already talking to me, or being very vocal about it) Look, I KNOW I'm short, I didn't just wake up like this yesterday..and odds are the person you'll encounter (especially an Adult) will know what's different about them as well and have encountered many similar situations like yours.  If you're unsure if inquiring about their height is okie..just ask them, more than likely they'll be very upfront with you on what they consider acceptable or not and they will appreciate the respect you've shown them by simply asking!

My New Hello Kitty House Slippers! <3

There are so many people in this world and we all have many unique differences. I hope we can teach our future generations to accept and embrace them! You cannot put together a puzzle if every piece is shaped exactly the same...It is ONLY because of our differences, that we can come together, see different perspectives, and bring new ideas, beneficial changes, and love to a world that is so in need of it! <3

Love Always,
              Sommer
                      <3 BBB <3